1 ANTHONY RAPP JANUARY 25, 2006 THE PHILLIPS CENTER FOR PERFORMING ARTS 8:00 P.M. >>> GOOD EVENING. MY NAME IS EVAN TYROLER AND I'M THE CHAIRMAN OF ACCENT SPEAKERS BUREAU. >> SPARKING DEBATE AND ENGAGING THE MINDS OF THE STUDENT BODY, ACCENT SPEAKERS BUREAU HAS HOSTED PROMINENT AND CONTROVERSIAL SPEAKERS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA FOR OVER 40 YEARS. EARLIER THIS YEAR, ACCENT HOSTED FOUR STAR GENERAL FORMER NATO SUPREME ALLIED COMMANDER AND FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE GENERAL WESLEY CLARK. >> JUST THIS PAST NOVEMBER, ACCENT HOSTED CONGENITAL AMPUTEE KYLE MAYNARD. >> KYLE IS A CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLER WHO WAS BORN WITH NO ARMS BELOW HIS ELBOWS OR NO LEGS BELOW HIS KNEES. HE SPOKE ABOUT HIS LIFE AND PORTRAYED TO US HIS MOTTO OF SUCCESS, OF SUCCESS WITHOUT EXCUSES. NEXT WEEK, ACCENT WILL BE WORKING 2 ALONGSIDE BLACK HISTORY MONTH TO BRING AWARD WINNING DIRECTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER AND ACTOR, SPIKE LEE, AND THE SPEECH WILL BE HELD AT THE STEPHEN C. O'CONNELL CENTER. ON THE BACK OF YOUR PROGRAMS IS A MORE DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT THE PROGRAM. TONIGHT, ACCENT SPEAKERS BURROW PROUDLY PRESENTS ANTHONY RAPP IN ONE OF HIS FIRST PUBLIC SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS. ANTHONY FIRST BEGAN HIS ACTING CAREER AT AGE 6 AND HAD HIS START IN THE TONY AWARD WINNING PRODUCTION OF RENT. >> IN "RENT," HE PLAYED MARK COHEN. HE PURSUED AN ACTING CAREER IN HOLLYWOOD WHERE HE PLAYED IN "ROAD TRIP," AND "A BEAUTIFUL MIND." >> JUST THIS PAST YEAR HE WAS IN THE CRITICALLY FEATURE FILM "RENT." TONIGHT, ANTHONY WILL BE SHARING HIS MUSICAL PERSPECTIVE OF LOVE, LOSS AND THE MUSICAL "RENT." AFTER THE SPEECH HE WILL TAKE QUESTIONS FROM MICROPHONES ON THE AISLE AND FLOOR AND BALCONY. 3 >> FOLLOWING THE QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION, ANTHONY WILL HEAD TOE LOBBY TO SIGN A LIMITED AMOUNT OF COPIES OF HIS BOOK. >> UNFORTUNATELY, WE SOLD OUT OF THE COPIES OF THE BOOK DUE TO THE FACT IT WAS IN ADVANCE SALE AT THIS MOMENT. FOR THOSE WHO WILL BE OUT THERE, ANTHONY WILL BE OUT THERE TO SIGN THEM. HIS BOOK IS ABOUT HIS PERSONAL LIFE AND EXPERIENCES IN BROADWAY AND HOLLYWOOD AND HOW HIS LIFE'S MEMORIES HAVE AFFECTED HIS CAREER. >> ACCENT SUCCESS IS FUELED BY STUDENT INTEREST AND SUPPORT, THEREFORE WE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON TONIGHT'S PRESENTATION OR ACCENT IN GENERAL. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO LEAVE FEEDBACK AT OUR FEEDBACK TABLE OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.SG.UFL.EDU/ACCENT. >> ANY PERSON TONIGHT WHO LEAVES FEEDBACK WILL BE ENTERED INTO A RALPH TO RECEIVE A SIGNED POSTER FROM ANTHONY RAPP, SO PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU FILL ONE OUT. >> IN ADDITION, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE 4 ACCENT STAFF FOR ALL THEIR HARD WORK THIS SEMESTER SO FAR. IT HAS BEEN A GREAT EXPERIENCE TO WORKING WITH EACH OF YOU AND I LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU THE REMAINDER OF THE SEMESTER. >> AFTER THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES, WE ASK EVERYBODY TAKING PICTURES TO REFRAIN FROM DOING SO SO IT DOES NOT DISTRACT OUR SPEAKER FROM HIS SPEECH. IN ADDITION WE ASK YOU TO TURN OFF ALL ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND CELL PHONES DURING THE EVENT. >> WELL, IT'S JANUARY 28th, 8:00 P.M. EASTERN STANDARD TIME. >> FROM HERE ON IN, I PROUDLY PRESENT TO YOU THE STAR OF THE MUSICAL FILM "RENT" MY FRIEND, ANTHONY RAPP. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I RECKON Y'ALL GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT SOMETIME WALK OUT ONTO A STAGE AND PEOPLE CHEER. I UNDERSTAND SOME HAVE COME LONG 5 DISTANCES. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WHAT'S THE FARTHEREST SOMEBODY HAS COME. >> ORLANDO. >> TAMPA. >> NEVER MIND, THAT'S STUPID THING FOR ME TO DO, ASK EVERYBODY TO SAY WHERE YOU CAME FROM. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT. >> WOW! A LOT OF FLASHES. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S CRAZY. >> IT REMINDS ME OF BASEBALL REFERENCE OF ROGERS CLEMENS, WHEN YOU THOUGHT HE WAS RETIRING, WHEN HE WAS DOWN IN, YOU KNOW, SOUTH FLORIDA AND MIAMI DOING THE THING AND THERE WERE ALL THESE FLASHES. ANYWAY, I'M A BASEBALL FAN. CUBS FAN AND MARLINS HAD KNOCKED THE CUBS OUT AT THAT POINT. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ANYWAY, THAT'S NOT WHY I'M YOUR. >> I WANT TO THANK EVAN AND THE MEMBERS 6 OF ACCENT FOR BRINGING ME DOWN HERE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU FOR THAT OPPORTUNITY AS I THINK, MOST OF YOU KNOW, "RENT" STARTED ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. 10 YEARS AGO TODAY IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF JONATHAN LARSON'S DEATH, JANUARY 25, 1996. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TEN YEARS AGO YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST TIME WE PERFORMED THE VERSION OF THE SHOW THAT BECAME THE OFF BROADWAY VERSION AT THE DRESS REHEARSAL, JANUARY 24th, WAS THE 10th ANNIVERSARY OF THAT. IT'S BEEN A VERY LONG TIME. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IN 1997, SOMEWHERE IN THAT TIME, I THINK MARCH OF 1997, WE HAD ALREADY BEEN ON BROADWAY MANY MONTHS AT THAT POINT. A GROUP OF STUDENTS CAME TO SEE THE SHOW WITH THEIR TEACHER AND PRINCIPAL FROM A VERY COOL PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL IN CINCINNATI, OHIO, CALLED WALNUT HILLS HIGH SCHOOL. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S -- CINCINNATI IS A CONSERVATIVE PLACE, BUT WALNUT HILLS HAPPENED TO BE THIS 7 SORT OF LIBERAL POCKET IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PUBLIC SCHOOL, BABE HOFFMAN HAD GONE THERE. IT WAS REMARKABLE AT ALL THEIR PRINCIPAL WAS SEEING "RENT" OF ALL SHOWS WITH HIS STUDENT. AFTER THE PLAY WAS OVER, I WENT OUT AND TALKED TO PEOPLE, AS I DID EVERY DAY AFTER THE PERFORMANCE AND TALKING, LIKE, WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN COMING TO MY SCHOOL TO TALK TO MY STUDENTS. YES, I WOULD. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT WAS THE FIRST PLACE THAT I'VE BEEN. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SINCE THAT STARTED A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE OF BEING ABLE TO REACH OUT TO YOUNG PEOPLE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT'S SOMETHING I REALLY WANTED TO DO, VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, PARTLY BECAUSE, I THINK HE SAID IT IN HIS INTRODUCTION I'VE BEEN WORKING SINCE I WAS 6 YEARS OLD, NOW I'M 34 AND LONGER THAN MOST OF YOU HAVE BEEN ALIVE. 8 BEING IN THIS BUSINESS FROM SUCH A YOUNG AGE, I HAD AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT FROM ADULTS, PEOPLE A LITTLE OLDER THAN I WAS, PEOPLE MORE EXPERIENCED THAN I WAS. I THINK -- I KNOW THAT REALLY MADE AN IMPACT IN MY LIFE AND REALLY HELPED ME. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SO, IT WAS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO THEN TRY TO GIVE BACK. BECAUSE "RENT" SO SPECIFICALLY AND POWERFULLY SPOKE TO YOUNG PEOPLE, IT WAS THE PERFECT VENUE OR PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO OPEN THAT DOOR. SINCE THEN, I'VE LITERALLY BEEN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, ALTHOUGH NOT AS RECENTLY BECAUSE THANKFULLY, I'VE BEEN DOING THE MOVIE "RENT" TOOK ABOUT A YEAR ALMOST OF MY LIFE AND NOW, I'M GETTING TO DO IT AGAIN. NOW, FOR THE OCCASION OF THE BOOK COMING OUT, WHICH ACTUALLY THE OFFICIAL PUBLICATION DATE IS FEBRUARY 13th, WHICH AGAIN, COINCIDENTALLY HAPPENS TO BE THE 10th ANNIVERSARY OF THE OPENING NIGHT OFF BROADWAY, TOTAL COINCIDENCE. 9 >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SIMON SCHUSTER DIDN'T KNOW THAT WHEN THEY PICKED THAT DATE. I DON'T KNOW THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW, THE BOOK, IT'S PROJECT I STARTED YEARS AGO. AND HAD A REALLY HARD TIME FINISHING, BECAUSE IT IS A VERY DIFFICULT THING TO DO IS TO WRITE ABOUT SUCH PERSONAL AND INTENSE AND SAD THINGS AS LOSING JONATHAN IN THIS SHOW, WHEN WE WERE DOING THE SHOW, JONATHAN LARSEN PASSED AND DURING THE SHOW MY MOM WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AND SHE DIED DURING THE RUN OF THE NO. I WROTE ABOUT ALL OF THAT. IT WAS MOST OF THE YEARS OF WRITING IT WERE ACTUALLY SPENT NOT WRITING IT. THEN I WOULD MUSTER UP THE COURAGE TO WRITE A CHAPTER AND DO THAT AND BE DONE AND FEEL I NEEDED TO REWARD MYSELF BY SPENDING ANOTHER SIX MONTHS NOT WRITING. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANKFULLY MY PUBLISHER WAS VERY PATIENT WITH ME. IT JUST SO HAPPENED WHEN I FINALLY 10 FINISHED THE DRAFT, SIX YEARS AFTER STARTING, I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE LAST DAY OF MY PERFORMANCE ON BROADWAY IN THE SHOW, JANUARY 4th. THESE DATES KEEP CIRCLING BACK AROUND. IT CAME INTO BAG BECAUSE A MAN NAMED ONE WISE BACH, WHO ENDED UP PUBLISHING THE BIG COFFEE TABLE BOOK, THE "RENT" BIBLE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THE BIG COFFEE TABLE BOOK. >> YOU HAVE A COPY RIGHT THERE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HE WAS ALREADY DOING THAT PROJECT. WE MET AND HE STARTED TALKING TO ME AND ASKING ME IF I WOULD CONSIDER WRITING A BOOK, ANY BOOK. HE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING IN MIND PER SE. PART OF HOW HE MADE HIS NAME KNOWN IN THE BUSINESS WAS APPROACHING PEOPLE LIKE PAUL REISER, ELLEN DeGENERES, JON STEWART, WHOOPI GOLDBERG AND SAY, WOULD YOU THINK ABOUT WRITING A BOOK. THEY'D SAY SURE, THEY'D WRITE A BOOK, HE'D MAKE IT A BEST-SELLER AND THEY WOULD 11 ALL BE HAPPY. I SAID, I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER, I'M NOT LIKE A STAND-UP COMIC, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD WRITE ABOUT ALTHOUGH I HAD BEEN WRITING SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID BUT I WASN'T THINKING AT THE TIME OF WRITING A BOOK. HIS FATHER HAD PASSED AWAY FROM CANCER AND MY MOM WAS STILL ALIVE AT THE TIME WE WERE FIRST STARTING TO TALK AND SHE WAS IN HER LAST MONTHS AND HE ASKED ME, WOULD I CONSIDER WRITING ABOUT THAT. I SAID, I'LL CONSIDER IT, SURE, AGAIN, NOT KNOWING THE INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT CHALLENGE THAT WOULD BE. PART OF THE REASON WAS HE SAID WHEN HE WAS GOING THROUGH WHAT HE WAS GOING THROUGH, HE WAS IN HIS MID-20s WHEN HIS FATHER DIED, THERE'S NOT A LOT OUT THERE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO READ ABOUT LOSS, ESPECIALLY THE LOSS OF A PARENT. GENERALLY, IN OUR CULTURE, FOR WORSE IN MY OPINION, THE SUBJECT OF LOSS, THE SUBJECT OF GRIEF IS MOSTLY NOT DEALT WITH. IT'S NOT TALKED ABOUT, IT MAKES PEOPLE 12 UNCOMFORTABLE, BECAUSE IT'S SAD, AND MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TO GO THERE. IN OUR CULTURE, GENERALLY, I THINK PEOPLE THINK ABOUT GETTING OVER THESE THINGS, RATHER THAN GOING THROUGH THESE THINGS. IF I CAN SHARE ANYTHING OF WISDOM I'VE LEARNED FROM LIVING THROUGH IT, YOU HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH IT. THERE'S NO GETTING OVER IT. I MEAN, YOU GET PAST IT, THROUGH GOING THROUGH IT, BUT IT WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU FULLY. SO, I STARTED TO ATTEMPT TO WRITE SOME THOUGHTS OR, YOU KNOW, SORT OF MUSINGS ON IT, AND THEN HE SAID, NO, I WOULD SHOW HIM WHAT I HAD WRITTEN. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HE SAID, WHAT I REALLY WANT YOU TO DO IS WRITE SCENES, AS IF YOU WERE WRITING A NOVEL. WHAT'S A PARTICULAR MOMENT IN TIME YOU COULD CAPTURE AND WRITE ABOUT. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT MAKES SENSE. I STARTED WRITING THAT AND IT STARTED TO 13 COME TOGETHER. HE GAVE ME THE CONTRACT AND I PROCEED TO TAKE SIX YEARS TO FINISH IT. SO, PART OF WHAT I WANTED TO DO TONIGHT WAS READ FROM THE TEXT, AND PART OF WHAT I WANTED TO READ WAS VERY SPECIFIC STUFF ABOUT JONATHAN, BECAUSE TONIGHT, AS I SAID BEFORE, IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS PASSING. I'D LIKE TO DO THAT. I'M SORRY THAT IT'S -- I'M NOT SORRY, I DON'T MEAN TO APOLOGIZE BUT IT'S NOT THE HAPPIEST SUBJECT MATTER, JUST TO BE AWARE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THINGS THAT ARE SAD, YOU SHOULD LEAVE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TO CONTEXTUALIZE A LITTLE BIT OF WHAT I'M GOING TO READ, IT'S SORT OF FROM THE EARLY MIDDLE PART OF THE BOOK, WE'VE ALREADY DONE THE WORKSHOP, THE 1994 WORKSHOP OF THE SHOW AT THIS POINT. MY MOM HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AT THIS POINT. AND WE ARE JUST -- IN THE MEANTIME, IN BETWEEN DOING THE SHOW, THE WORKSHOP, WHICH WAS A TEN PERFORMANCE WORKSHOP AT THE 14 WORKSHOP, NOT OPEN TO CRITIC, JUST FRIENDS AND FAMILY OR PEOPLE IN THE BUSINESS OR WHOMEVER COULD GET TICKETS, BETWEEN THAT TIME AND 1995, WHEN WE STARTED REHEARSAL JONATHAN DID A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WORK ON THE SHOW AND HE AND I STARTED TO BECOME CLOSE FRIENDS. SO THAT'S -- THAT'S WHEN THIS EXCERPT COMES IN. IT'S FROM A CHAPTER ENTITLED "WE BEGIN, WHICH "RENT" AFFICIONADO WILL KNOW IS THE FIRST TWO LINES OF THE PLAY. REHEARSALS FOR THE OFF BROADWAY PRODUCTION OF RENT WERE SCHEDULED DECEMBER 19th, 1995, MORE THAN A YEAR SINCE WE FINISHED THE STUDIO PRODUCTION. I KEPT IN SPORADIC TOUCH WITH JONATHAN OVER THAT YEAR, PERIODICALLY CHECKING IN ON THE PROGRESS OF THE SHOW. HE TOLD ME THERE WERE A COUPLE OF PRODUCERS ASSOCIATED WITH IT HELPING TO PAY FOR THE WORKSHOP PRODUCTION AND TEARING MOVE THE SHOW TO AN OFF BROADWAY RUN IF IT WERE A HIT. THEY'RE YOUNG AND HIP AND BELIEVE IN THE 15 NO. THEY'RE IN THIS COOL SPACE JONATHAN SAID FULL OF ENERGY IN HIS VOICE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE IT SITE SPECIFIC. I WAS GRATEFUL JONATHAN WAS KEEPING ME IN THE LOOP, WE WERE BEGINNING TO FORGE A FRIENDSHIP. HE ALSO CALLED ME SOON AFTER I HAD GOTTEN HOME FROM TWISTER. THIS IS NOT IN THE BOOK AT THIS POINT BUT TWISTER, AS YOU MAY KNOW, IS A MOVIE THAT I DID, IF YOU BLINK, YOU'LL MISS ME. I SPENT TEN WEEKS IN OKLAHOMA, AND I'M IN THE FILM FOR TWO SECONDS. BUT IT'S OKAY. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] JONATHAN SAID, I GOT INVITED TO PRESENT A COUPLE OF SONGS FROM "RENT" AS A PART OF THE EVENING OF PRESENTATIONS BY LOCAL OPERA COMPANIES. THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING. YEAH, I THINK IT'LL BE THE ONLY ROCK OPERA. I SMILED. 16 PROBABLY. ALSO A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW IT INSIDE AND OUT. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] COOL. I KNOW YOU'RE PLAYING MARK AND EVERYTHING, WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO SING A COUPLE ROGERS SONGS FOR IT. WE DON'T HAVE A ROGER YET AND DIDN'T WANT TO GET ANY OF MY FRIENDS HOPES UP BY ASKING THEM. YEAH, OF COURSE I'LL DO IT. AGAIN, JONATHAN HAD FLATTERED ME. I FELT HE WAS BEGINNING TO CONSIDER ME A TRUE MEMBER OF HIS ENSEMBLE. I HEAD HEARD ACTORS WORKING IN THIS WAY BUT NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE IT. I SKATED OVER TO HIS APARTMENT ON THE WESTSIDE, WAITED FOR HIM TO TOSS DOWN HIS KEYS. HE HAD NO BUZZER TO LET PEOPLE IN AND CLIMBED THE FIVE FLIGHTS UP TO HIS RAILROAD FLAT. I HAD BEEN THERE ONCE BEFORE DURING THE STUDIO PRODUCTION, I WAS STRUCK ONCE AGAIN 17 BY THE CHARMING BUT DECREPIT ENVIRONMENT HE LIVED. THE BATHTUB SAT IN THE KITCHEN, THE FURNITURE AND WALLS DIDN'T MATCH. HIS STUDIO SEEMED VERY APPOINTED AND WELL ORGANIZED IN FRONT OF THE WINDOWS, KEYBOARDS AND SPEAKERS AND COMPUTERS SURROUNDED IT WHILE FRAMED POSTERS AND AWARDS CLIMBED UP THE WALLS ON EITHER SIDE. WE WORKED UP THE SONG, A TAD HIGH FOR ME, BUT MANAGEABLE. THE NEXT NIGHT, I MET HIM IN SOHO FOR A PERFORMANCE. WE SAT THROUGH MILD MANNERED ART SONGS AND EXCERPTS FOR FOUKE OPERAS THEN IT WAS OUR TURN. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THIS CROWD WOULD MAKE OF OUR NOISIER VERSION OF OUR OPERA MUSIC JONATHAN STOOD UP AND SPOKE, HANDS TO ONE SIDE LIKE A PUPPY, VOICE ANIMATED, VOICE MELLOW AND CLEAR. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED LOBENEN AND PACINO'S OTHER WORK AND BILLY JOEL AND THE WHO AND STEVEN SONHEIN IN THE MUSICAL THEATER AND WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING THAT WOULD 18 INCORPORATE ALL THOSE. A FEW YEARS AGO SEVERAL OF MY FRIENDS CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME THEY WERE HIV-POSITIVE AND THEN A COUPLE OF THEM DIED. AS I WAS COMING TO TERMS WITH THIS I REALIZED I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING IN RESPONSE SO I BEGAN TO WORK ON "RENT." LOBEN WAS THE PERFECT STARTING POINT INSTEAD OF IN PARIS, I PLACED MY CHARACTERS IN A LOFT IN EAST VILLAGE. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MY CHARACTERS BECAME INFECTED WITH AIDS AND THE FAILED DIRECTOR OF A ROCK BAND CALLED THE WHALED HUNGARIANS. JONATHAN SMILED AS THE AUDIENCE LAUGHED. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MY MAMI INITIATION MARQUEZ, A HEROIN ADDICTED DANCER. MORE LAUGHTER. I'M VERY HONORED TO BE PART OF TONIGHT'S PRESENTATION AND DEDICATE MY WORK TO MY FRIENDS I'VE LOST. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU. 19 THERE WAS A SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE WE BEGAN. I NEVER HEARD JONATHAN SPEAK AT SUCH LENGTHS ABOUT THE ORIGINS OF HIS SHOW. AS I SANG, THE POWER OF HIS WORDS RESONATED THROUGH ME. I INVITED JONATHAN TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE END OF OCTOBER. I WAS HAPPY HE SHOWED UP AND STAYED A LONG TIME, SOCIALIZING AND DRINKING AND LAUGHING. I DIDN'T GET TO TALK TO HIM MUCH THAT NIGHT BUT AFTER HE LEFT MY FRIEND KEVIN CAME UP TO ME AND SAID, WHO WAS THAT GUY. WHO. JONATHAN. YEAH. WHAT'S WITH HIM. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WE WERE TALKING AND I ASKED HIM WHAT HE DID FOR A LIVING. HE SAID WITH A PERFECTLY STRAIGHT FACE, I'M THE FUTURE OF MUSICAL THEATER. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I GUFFAWED, REALLY. 20 >> YEAH, DUDE, TOTALLY, WHAT IS THAT ABOUT. I CHUCKLED SOME MORE. IT WAS A CRAZY BOLD WILD THING TO SAY. MAYBE HE'S RIGHT, I SAID. KEVIN TOOK A SWIG OF HIS BEER. YEAH, BUT STILL, WHO WOULD WANT TO ADMIT THAT. COME ON. ON DECEMBER 18th, THE NIGHT BEFORE REHEARSALS BEGAN, JONATHAN HOSTED WHAT HE CALLED A PEASANT'S FEAST A POTLUCK DIN FORECAST AND CREW AT HIS APARTMENT. I PUT TOGETHER A SALAD HEADED WEST RUNNING LATE AS USUAL. WHEN I GOT THERE, THE APARTMENT WAS BUSTLING WITH PEOPLE, ALTHOUGH THE ONES I KNEW WERE JONATHAN OUR ART DIRECTOR AND ARTISTIC DIRECTOR AND DAFFNEY. >> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I SAID MY HELLOS, GIVING DAFFNEY A HUGE HUG AND JONATHAN PULLED ME ASIDE. I WANT YOU TO MEET THE GUY PLAYING ROGER. HIS NAME'S ADAM PASCAL. WE'RE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT HIM. 21 HE'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING ON STAGE BEFORE BUT HAS AN AMAZING VOICE. HE CAN REALLY SING. GREAT, I SAID. JONATHAN TOOK ME TO HIM. NEVER DONE ANYTHING. NOT ANYTHING. THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING. ADAM, JONATHAN SAID, THIS IS ANTHONY. ANTHONY, ADAM. NICE TO ME, HE SAID AND GRABBED MY HAND VIGOROUSLY. ME, TOO. IF JONATHAN HADN'T TOLD ME THIS GUY WAS PLAYING ROGER I WOULD HAVE NEVER PREDICTED IT. HIS DISPOSITION WAS TOO OUTGOING AND FRIENDLY AND THE COMBINATION OF HIS DIED BLONDE HAIR CAESAR CUT, CLOSE CROPPED DIRTY BLONDE BEARD AND FOREST GREEN SWEATSHIRT WITH A LACE UP MEDIEVAL STYLE COLLAR UNDERNEATH DENIM OVERALLS MADE HIM SEEM TO ME MORE LIKE ONE OF ROBIN HOOD'S MERRY MEN. THAN AN EX-JUNKY WANNABE ROCK STAR. I TRUSTED JONATHAN. 22 I KNEW HOW LONG THEY HAD SOUGHT A GOOD ROGER. I LOOKED FORWARD TO HEARING HIM SING. WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR DINNER WE TOOK OUR SEATS IN MISMATCHED CHAIRS ALONG TWO LONG TABLES SET UP AND JONATHAN ROSE, CLINKING HIS GRASSO HE COULD MAKE A TOAST HIS HEAD WAS TILTED LIKE AT THE OPERA EVENT BUT HIS BODY SOFTER AND BODY MUCH MORE STILL AS HE SPOKE. I INVITED YOU ALL HERE BECAUSE EVERY YEAR AT CHRISTMAS TIME I HAVE WHAT I CALL A PEASANT'S FEAST SINCE A LOT OF MY FRIENDS AND I DON'T HAVE VERY MUCH MONEY IT'S HARD FOR SOME OF US TO GO HOME AND BE WITH OUR FAMILIES AT THE HOLIDAYS WE BEGIN THIS TRADITION FEEDING EACH OTHER AND BRINGING EACH OTHER HOLIDAY CHEER. WELL, HE CONTINUED, THIS YEAR I WASN'T SURE WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO BECAUSE THE SHOW WAS ABOUT TO GO INTO REHEARSALS, I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING TO MARK THAT OCCASION AND DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK TRADITION AND NOT HAVE A PEASANT'S FEAST. HE PAUSED, TOOK A DEEP BREATHE AND 23 CONTINUED HIS VOICE BEGINNING TO WAIVER. I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THE NEW YORK THEATER WORKSHOP AND ALL OF YOU PART OF THE SHOW. THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, GETTING THIS PRODUCTION TOGETHER. IT'S BEEN A VERY LONG TIME COMING. PAUSED AGAIN. I WROTE THE SHOW ABOUT MY LIFE, THE LIVES OF MY FRIENDS AND SOME OF MY FRIENDS ARE GONE AND I REALLY MISS THEM. HE PAUSED AGAIN AND WIPED TEARS OF HIS CHEEKS. I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOU ALL ARE GOING TO BRING MY FRIENDS TO LIFE. AND I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR THAT. I WANTED TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING MY NEW FRIENDS. AT ABOUT THE MID-WAY POINT IN REHEARSALS, MICHAEL GRAPH ANNOUNCED WE WOULD COME BACK FROM LUNCH THAT DAY AND MEET WITH A SPEAKER, A WOMAN WHO RAN AN ORGANIZATION CALLED "FRIENDS INDEED" I PICKED UP PLY HEARS AT THIS NEWS, I HAD HEARD OF THE FRIENDS IN NEED THE YEAR BEFORE AND SINCE 24 THEN BEEN ON THEIR MAILING LIST RECEIVING NEWS INFORMING ME IT WAS AN ORGANIZATION DEDICATED TO COUNSELLING AND FREE SERVICES TO ANYONE DIAGNOSED WITH A LIFE-THREATENING ILLNESS INCLUDING CARETAKERS OF ANYONE ILL. I HAD CONSIDERED GOING TO MEETING OR WORKSHOP BUT STAYED AWAY. I WASN'T SURE WHY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MAYBE BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF TALKING TO ANYONE HOW I FELT ABOUT MOM'S CANCER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MAYBE BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE I WAS ABLE TO ARTICULATE TO MYSELF HOW I FELT ABOUT IT LET ALONE ANYONE ELSE AND IF I EXPRESSED MY CHAOTIC UNPREDICTABLE CONFUSING UPSETTING FEELINGINGS, IT SEEMED LIKE THERE WOULD BE NO END TO THEM MAYBE BECAUSE I FELT EVERYBODY WAS DEALING WITH AIDS AND HAD MORE URGENT CONCERNS THAN I OR MAYBE ALL SIMPLE PRO-CRASS NATION ON MY PART BUT FROM THE LITTLE I KNEW ABOUT FRIENDS IN NEED, THEIR WORK SEEMED POTENTIALLY LIFE CHANGING SO I WAS HAPPY TO GET THE CHANCE TO LISTEN 25 TO S I-I O'NEILL SPEAK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WHEN WE GOT BACK FROM THE BREAK OUR CHAIRS WERE ARRANGED IN A SEMI-CIRCLE I SAT ACROSS FROM JONATHAN AND A FEW SEATS FROM SY, A TALL EARTHY ELEGANT MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN FLOATED INTO THE ROOM AND QUIETLY TOOK HER SEAT WEARING A DARK TURTLENECK AND DARK GLASSES, OFFSET BY SILVER RINGS, SILVER BRACELET AND SILVER EARRINGS. HER SALT AND PEPPER HAIR WAS CUT SHORT TO SCHOOLBOY'S LENGTH WITH A SIDE PART, IN SOME WAYS SHE LOOKED LIKE MY MOM ALTHOUGH BE IT REFINED AND WITH SILVER JEWELRY. MY MOM ALWAYS CUT HER HAIR SHORT, TOOK TO WEAR TURTLE NEXT AND JEANS AND OFTEN TOOK TO WEARING GLASS AT DIFFERENT POINTS IN HER LIFE. I SAT AND WATCHED S Y. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SHE SAT PERFECTLY STRAIGHT ALMOST ON THE EDGE OF HER CHAIR, HANDS FOLDED ON HER LAP, FEET PLANTED FIRMLY AND CROSSED. SHE STRUCK ME WITH AN MONK-LIKE SERENITY AND NEW YORK CITY OLD SCHOOL GLAMOUR. 26 WHEN WE WERE ALL ASSEMBLED MICHAEL HANDED THE PROCEEDINGS OVER TO JOHN THAN EVERYBODY, HE BEGAN, HIS TONE MILD MANNERRERED AND RESPECTFUL, I'M VERY HAPPY SY COULD COME TODAY. IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME YOU GET A CHANCE TO MEET HER AND WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT FRIENDS IN NEED, THEY'RE AN AMAZING ORGANIZATION. WHEN MY FRIENDS ALL BECAME HIV-POSITIVE THEY ASKED ME TO GO TO MEETINGS WITH FRIENDS INDEED AND IT HELPED US DEAL WITH EVERYTHING. AND HOW THEY VIEWED LIFE AND DEATH AND ILLNESS AND ALL OF IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT REALLY INFORMED WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN. I WROTE THE LIFE SUPPORT SCENE IN AN ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE WHAT GOES ON AT FRIENDS INDEED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I ASKED S Y IF SHE COULD BE WILLING TO COME TO REHEARSAL BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT WE SHE HEAR OWL OF US SPEAK. YES, HERE WE ARE. 27 YES, SY SAID, VOICE HUSKY AND WARM AT THE SAME TIME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SO, JONATHAN SAID, I THOUGHT I'D START ASKING YOU QUESTIONS, I WROTE UP A LIST WHAT I THOUGHT WAS IMPORTANT FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW. HE FLASHED A SHEET OF NOTEBOOK PAPE WHAOERS HOLDING IN HIS LAP. OKAY, SY SAID SMILING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SOUNDS GOOD. >> FIRST JONATHAN ASKED HER TO EXPLAIN WHAT FRIENDS INDEED WAS AND THE ORGANIZATION'S PHILOSOPHY. WELL, SY BEGAN, AT FRIENDS WE COME FROM THE POINT OF VIEW IN LIFE, THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT'S ALL OKAY. THERE'S NOTHING EVER REALLY WRONG. EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS EXACTLY THE WAY IT SHOULD BE, VERY SIMPLY, BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY THAT IT IS. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY THAT IT CAN. 28 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SHE PAUSED, LETTING US MULL THESE IDEAS OVER TO OURSELVES. SHE CONTINUED. ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT ASPECT OF OUR WORK AT FRIENDS IS OUR POINT OF VIEW THAT THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES IS NOT DETERMINED BY THE CIRCUMSTANCES. SO, IF YOU HAVE AIDS, FOR INSTANCE, WHILE YOUR PHYSICAL BODY MAY VERY WELL BE UNDER ATTACK FROM A TERRIBLE VIRUS AND WHILE THAT CIRCUMSTANCE MAY MAKE THE BUSINESS OF LIVING MUCH MORE DIFFICULT IN MANY WAYS, WE SUGGEST THAT THE PRESENCE OF AIDS IN YOUR LIFE DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE QUALITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, OR THE AMOUNT OF LOVE YOU EXPERIENCE, OR EVEN YOUR SENSE OF YOURSELF, NONE OF IT HAS TO SUFFER. THIS IS NOT NECESSARILY EASY STUFF FOR PEOPLE TO CONSIDER SOMETIMES, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. INTRIGUED AND STIRRED UP, I RAISED MY HAND AND ASKED, IF YOU'RE SAYING YOU COME FROM THE POINT OF VIEW THAT NOTHING'S EVER WRONG, EVERYTHING'S ALWAYS OKAY, WHAT DO 29 YOU DO WITH ANGER AND SADNESS AND GRIEF WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SY REGARD MED FOR A TINY MOMENT AND REPLIED. TRY TO THINK OF IT THIS WAY. THERE ARE TWO REALITIES, ON THE ONE HAND YOU HAVE THIS IDEA I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT, IT'S REALITY, IT'S ALL ALL RIGHT. SHE HELD UP HER RIGHT HAND AS SHE SAID THIS. ON THE OTHER HAND, SHE CONTINUED, HOLDING UP HER LEFT HAND IN OPPOSITION TO HER RIGHT, YOU HAVE ALL YOUR OPINIONS AND FEELINGINGS AND NOTIONS ABOUT IT, LIKE IT'S TERRIBLE OR IT HURTS OR I DON'T LIKE IT OR IT'S PAINFUL OR IT'S SAD. AND THE GOAL IS TO BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH BOTH REALITIES. AND WITH THAT Y SHE BROUGHT HER HANDS TOGETHER. NEITHER ONE IS MORE TRUE THAN THE OTHER, NEITHER ONE IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SHE LEANED FORWARD. 30 >> SHE LEANED FORWARD, RESTING HER ELBOWS ON HER KNEES, I LOST MY HUSBAND, PATRICK, TO CANCER. IT WAS TERRIBLY DEVASTATING, INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. I MISSED HIM TERRIBLY WHEN HE DIED, AND STILL PAINFUL, AT THE SAME TIME WHILE HE WAS DYING AND THE TIME SINCE, I CAN SEE IT'S ALL OKAY, IT HAPPENED EXACTLY THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY THAT IT HAPPENED. THERE'S NO OTHER WAY IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. IT'S SIMPLE. SHE LEANED BACK BUT SOMETIMES I COULD NO LONGER SEE THAT AND I WOULD FEEL OVERWHELMED BY GRIEF AND SADNESS AND I WOULD FEEL TERRIBLE AND I WOULD CRY AND MISS HIM, AND THEN WITH TIME, ALL OF THAT WOULD PASS AND ONCE AGAIN, I WOULD SEE EVERYTHING WAS OKAY, THAT MY GRIEF WAS JUST AS MUCH A PART OF MY LIFE AS EVERYTHING ELSE. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH GRIEF. IT'S AN ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE RESPONSE. 31 OF COURSE WE FEEL GRIEF. THE TROUBLE IS IN OUR CULTURE, THERE ISN'T ALWAYS A LOT OF PERMISSION FOR PEOPLE TO GRIEVE, AND SO WE THINK THAT WE SHOULDN'T GO THROUGH IT, WE STIFLE IT DOWN BECAUSE IT'S NOT ALLOWED. THAT'S WHEN WE GET OURSELVES IN TROUBLE. GRIEF IS ABSOLUTELY REAL. THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH FEELING IT. QUITE THE OPPOSITE. SHE PAUSED AGAIN AND REGARDED ME WITH HER CLEAR AND OPEN GAZE. DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YES, I SAID, YES, IT DOES. THANK YOU I RESOLVED TO TRY TO INCORPORATE ALL THAT SHE JUST SAID INTO MY LIFE, NOT VERY CONFIDENT I'D BE ABLE TO BUT ALREADY FEELING COMFORTED. I WANTED TO JUMP AHEAD TO TEN YEARS AGO TODAY IN THE MEANTIME, WE FINISHED OUR REHEARSAL PROCESS, WE HAD AN AMAZING DRESS 32 REHEARSAL PERFORMANCE AT WHICH PEOPLE LITERALLY LET TO THEIR FEET AT THE END OF IT, AND SURROUNDED JONATHAN OFF TO THE SIDE, LIKE IF THIS IS THE THEATER, JONATHAN WAS STANDING IN THAT FAR AISLE. WHEN I CAME BACK FROM OFFSTAGE THERE WERE 50 PEOPLE AROUND HIM SURROUNDING HIM POURING THEIR HEARTS OUT TO HIM. I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOOD NIGHT BECAUSE OF THAT. SOON AFTER THAT A WRITER FROM THE "NEW YORK TIMES" FROM THE PERFORMANCE THAT NIGHT NOT THERE TO VIEW IT, JUST THERE TO WRITE ABOUT THE FACT IT COINCIDED WITH THE 100th YEAR ANNIVERSARY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] AND THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM WAS THROUGH THE BOX OFFICE WINDOW WHILE HE WAS, AS USUAL, ANIMATEDLY TALKING ABOUT THE WORK HE HAD DONE ON "RENT" VERY PASSIONATELY. FROM THAT, WE'D LIKE TO BELIEVE HE HAD SOME SENSE OF WHAT WAS TO COME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING, JANUARY 25th, EARLIER THAN MY ALARM, SWEATING, 33 HAVING BEEN COOKED BY THE SUNLIGHT STREAMING THROUGH THE WINDOW ABOVE MY BED. I SAT UP, THREW THE COVERS OFF AND RUBBED MY EYES. THE TRIUMPH OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT WASHED THROUGH ME AGAIN. I REACHED FOR MY PHONE HOPING FOR CONGRAT TORRIE VOICE MESSAGES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT WAS JIM OVER AT THE WORKSHOP, HIS VOICE SOUNDING WEARY. >> PLEASE CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MESSAGE. THEN HE ABRUPTLY HUNG UP. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT BUT IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE SOMETHING GOOD. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HAD GONE ON. MAYBE SOMEBODY WAS BEING FIRED OR PREVIEW ABOUT TECHNICAL DIRECTIVES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I WAS ABOUT TO CALL HIM BACK WHEN THE PHONE RANG. >> ANTHONY, IT'S SARA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HI, GOOD MORNING. 34 DID I WAKE YOU. NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. WHAT'S UP A. WELL, ANTHONY, SARA SAID, PAUSED. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS. >> WHAT. >> JONATHAN'S DEAD. MY CHEST FROZE IN AN INSTANT. WHAT. >> HE IS. HE'S DEAD. HE DIED LAST NIGHT. HIS AGENT WORKS WITH ME. HE GOT THE CALL THIS MORNING. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE >> WHAT HAPPENED. MY ENTIRE BODY FELT ELECTRIFIED, MY HEART BEGAN TO POUND AND MY FACE HEAT UP. I I TRIED TO FOCUS ON SARA'S WORDS TO PWAEUR DOWN ON MYSELF AND KEEP MY HEAD CLEAR WHEN SHE TALKED. THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. HE COLLAPSED LAST NIGHT WHEN HE GOT HOME. HIS ROOMMATE FOUND HIM ON THE FLOOR. ANTHONY Y I'M SO SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS. 35 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. MY HEART STILL THUNDERING IN MY CHEST AND NOTICED I WASN'T BREATHING AND FORCED MYSELF TO INHALE AND EXHALE. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. HE WAS SO ALIVE LAST NIGHT WHEN I TALKED TO HIM, SARA SAID. SO HAPPY. I CONSIDERED THIS SEEING IN MY MIND ALL THE IMAGES OF THE PEOPLE SURROUNDING HIM, HIM SITTING IN THE BOX OFFICE. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE SHOW, I ASKED. NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE I THINK IT WILL CONTINUE. IT HAS TO. YEAH, ER, IT DOES. IT HAD TO CONTINUE FOR JONATHAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] RAPPY, I'M SO SORRY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THIS IS CRAZY, I GUESS, I BETTER MAKE SOME PHONE CALLS. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, CALL ME. >> THANKS, SARA. 36 >> BYE, RAPPY. I SAT STARING AT THE PHONE, EVERYTHING SHIFTING IN ME, FELT WILD AND CRAZY YET COUNSEL AT ONCE. JONATHAN HAD GOTTEN THE SHOW OUT OF HIM AND WHEN HE WAS DONE, HE DIED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THINKING THESE THOUGHTS, I DIALED THE WORKSHOP. HELLO, NEW YORK THEATER WORKSHOP, THIS IS SUE. HER VOICE UNUSUALLY SUBDUED AND STRAINED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SUE, THIS IS ANTHONY. >> I COULD HEAR HER BREATHE IN SHARPLY ON THE OTHER END. I JUST HEARD THE NEWS. >> YEAH, SHE SIGHED. WHEN EVER YOU CAN GET DOWN HERE, WE'RE ALL GATHERING TOGETHER TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OKAY. I'LL BE THERE SOON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 37 ALL RIGHT, HONEY, I COULD HEAR HER TRYING TO KEEP HER VOICE FROM WAIVERING. SEE YOU SOON. >> I HUNG UP FEELING MYSELF CLICK INTO A MORE PROTECTIVE PROVOST PRACTICAL MODE, AN EASIER STATE TO DEAL WITH THAN THAT WITHIN ME, THERE WERE PHONE CALLS TO BE MADE, PEOPLE TO BE NOTIFIED, ARRANGEMENTS TO BE COORDINATED. IF I WAS AVAILABLE TO DO THEM, I SHOULD, ALMOST AS IF COMPELLED BY AN UNFORESEEN FORCE I FLIPPED OVER TO MY ADDRESS BOOK IN WHO I SHOULD TELL. I FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN THRUST INTO A MADE FOR TV MOVIE, AS I FLIPPED THROUGH MY PAGES WHO SHOULD KNOW, IT HIT ME, AS FAR AS I WAS AWARE I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS AWARE OF JONATHAN'S FRIEND, CHRISTINA HAAG, SO I CALLED HER, STEELING MYSELF AS THE PHONE RANG. HELLO. CHRISTINA, IT'S ANTHONY. TONY, HI, HOW ARE YOU. I'M OKAY, BUT I'M CALLING TO TELL YOU TERRIBLE NEWS. 38 I HAD TO COME OUT WITH IT. THERE'S NO OTHER WAY. JONATHAN'S DEAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] CHRISTINA'S SHRIEK WAS TERRIFYING AND SEEMINGLY ENDLESS. WHAT, SHE FINALLY MANAGED, BREATHELESS, ALMOST HYPERVENTILATING. I CLAMPED DOWN ON MYSELF TO KEEP MY STOMACH FROM LEAPING UP INTO MY THROAT AS I LISTENED TO HER SOBS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHE CRIED. HE DIED LAST NIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HE COLLAPSED. THIS CAN'T BE, OH, MY GOD, IT CAN'T BE. I'M SORRY, CHRISTINA, SORRY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD SHE SOBBED. >> I'M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU. YOU HAD TO. THANK YOU FOR CALLING ANY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'M SORRY, I HAVE TO GO. I HEARD HER GULP DOWN A SOB AS SHE HUNG 39 UP. SHAKEN I SAT FOR A MOMENT, SLOWLY BREATHING IN AND OUT AND I ABRUPTLY DIALED THE NUMBER FOR FRIENDS INDEED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SY WASN'T IN AND I LEFT HER A MESSAGE THAT JONATHAN HAD DIED AND I WENT THROUGH MY ADDRESS BOOK MAKING CALLS TELLING PEOPLE JONATHAN HAD DIED EACH TIME FEELING STRANGELY OUTSIDE OF MYSELF YET STRANGELY IN CONTROL OF MYSELF, DIALING EACH NUMBER AND IT SEEMED LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO SAYING AGAIN AND AGAIN, JONATHAN'S DEAD UNTIL THERE WERE NO PEOPLE TO CALL. I NUMBLY GOT MYSELF OUT TO THE THEATER AND IN THE HARSH MORNING SLOWLY WALKED DOWN TO EAST FOURTH STREET. I RAN INTO BYRON UTLEY ONE OF MY FORMER CAST MEMBERS EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER WELL, WE FELL INTO A WORDLESS HUG. HE WAS TALL AND I PLACED MY FACE INTO HIS DOWNEY COAT SQUEEZING HIM TIGHTLY, WE PULLED APART AND HE WENT TO THE CORNER DELI AND I WENT TO THE THEATER. 40 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THE THEATER WAS QUIET EVEN WITH ALL THE PEOPLE WANDERING AND SITTING AROUND. >> SUE WAS THE FIRST PERSON I SAW AND WE SHARED A SILENT FIRM HUG. I SAW DAPHNE AND WE BOTH RUSHED INTO EACH OTHER'S ARMS THAT'S WHEN I STARTED TO CRY, PRESSING DAPHNE TO ME, DAPHNE SAYING OH, HONEY, TENDERLY RUBBING MY BACK, SOOTHING ME AND SHE CRIED AS WELL. IT WAS AS IF I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR HER TO EMBRACE TO UNLEASH MY SADNESS MY THROAT CLOSING UP MY FACE BURNING, CHEST BEGINNING TO HEAVE. I HELD DAPHNE AND SHE HELD ME AND FINALLY WE PARTED HOLDING EACH OTHER'S HANDS AND LOOKING TO EACH OTHER'S EYES. JONATHAN, MAN, HER VOICE THICK AND LOW, EYES STILL MOIST WITH TEARS THAT FUCKER, WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S DOING LEAVING US LIKE THIS, THAT MOTHER FUCKER. YEAH, I SAID, BUT I DON'T KNOW, DAPHNE CONTINUED. I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS HE WAS DONE, YOU KNOW. 41 I GUESS HE DID WHAT HE HAD TO DO AND JUST SPLIT. ASSHOLE >> I GUESS, I SAID. THEN THERE WASN'T ANYTHING ELSE EITHER OF US COULD SAY AND FOUND OURSELVES SLOWLY JOINING OUR OTHER CAST MEMBERS ON STAGE WHERE THEY EITHER SAT EYES CAST DOWN OR EMBRACING EACH OTHER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THE BAND WAS THERE, TOO, CHAIRS ARRANGED IN A CIRCLE. DAPHNE AND I WALKED UP STAGE AND SLOWLY HUGGED EACH PERSON LOOKING WASTED AND EYES PUFFED OUT. I LOOKED OVER EVERYONE OVERWHELMED BY THE INTENSITY OF FEELINGS SWIRLED AROUND ME. WE SAT TOGETHER MOSTLY IN SILENCE A LONG TIME, SILENCE OCCASIONALLY INTERRUPTED BY SOMEONE'S HALTING WORDS SUCH AS, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, OR, IT'S TERRIBLE. I FELT THAT, FOR ME, NO WORDS COULD DO THE SITUATION THE REMOTEST JUSTICE SO I REMAINED SILENT. TIM SLUMPED IN HIS CHAIR WE TPWAPB TO SOB 42 VIOLENTLY BEARING HIS HORRIBLY CONTORTED FINES HIS HANDS. WE ALL JUST WATCHED HIM AND ALLOWING HIM HIS GRIEF. AND TEA DIGGS ON HIS RIGHT PLACED HIS HAND ON HIS SHOULDER STEADYING NIM UNTIL AT LEAST HIS AGONIZED SOBS FADED GRADUALLY OUR CIRCLE DISSIPATED WITH PEOPLE GOING OFF INTO GROUPS TALKING QUIETLY AMONG THEMSELVES. I WAS FEELING THE NEED TO LEAVE FEELING CLEANSED AND OPPRESSED BY THE GRIEF. I STEPPED OUTSIDE AND MADE MY WAY TO THE CORNER DELI. AS I WANDERED UP AND DOWN THE AISLE UNSURE WHAT I WANTED, SURE SOMETHING WOULD BRING ME SOME COMFORT, I SLOWLY REALIZED THE MUSIC PIPING INTO THE STORES TINNY STEREO SOUND NAGGINGLY FAMILIAR. I OPENED MY EARS TO IT, I HEARD MICHAEL STIPEN OR EVEN THE SONG I AUDITIONED WITH. IT WASN'T THAT I BELIEVED IN GHOSTS OR SPIRITS, I CLOSED MY EYES, LETTING THE SONG WASH OVER ME FEELING JONATHAN WAS STILL THERE. 43 HE HAD TO BE. THIS SONG WAS SEVERAL YEARS OLD WASN'T PLAYED ON THE RADIO ANYMORE, WHAT WAS THE LIKELIHOOD I HAPPENED TO HEAR IT. MAYBE JONATHAN'S WAY OF SAYING OKAY, I THOUGHT OR HE WAS THERE, HE WAS AT PEACE. EVEN AS I THOUGHT ALL OF THIS I REALIZED I WAS REACH DESPERATELY TO HOLD ON TO SOMETHING THAT MIGHT MAKE SENSE OUT OF SENSELESS SITUATION. WHATEVER THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER WAS HEARING THAT SONG IN THAT DELI IN THAT MOMENT MADE ME FEEL ALMOST BLESSED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO READ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU. THAT NIGHT, WE WENT ON TO -- IT WAS SCHEDULED TO BE THE FIRST PAID PERFORMANCE OF THE SHOW. THE DRESS REHEARSAL IS NOT A PAID PERFORMANCE, AN INVITED EVENT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'M GOING TO TAKE A DRINK OF WATER. MY THROAT IS A LITTLE PARCHED. 44 THANK YOU. PARCHED, PARCHED, PARCHED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> MOO WITH ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU. THANK YOU. SO THAT NIGHT, WE HAD THIS PERFORMANCE SCHEDULED BUT IT BECAME OBVIOUS PRETTY QUICKLY WE WEREN'T GOING TO BE DOING THAT PERFORMANCE THAT NIGHT. INSTEAD, WE INVITED HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO A SING-THROUGH, BECAUSE WE FELT ALSO VERY STRONGLY THIS THEATER SHOULD KNOT BE SILENT. WE GATHERED OURSELVES TOGETHER AND LINED UP THE TABLES. WE DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE WHOLE PERFORMANCE STAGING AND COSTUME LIGHTS BECAUSE WE WERE STILL REALLY LEARNING ALL OF IT. WE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE CONCERNED WITH ALL THAT TECHNICAL STUFF. SO WE SANG THROUGH THE SHOW. 45 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THE AMAZING THING ABOUT THAT -- THERE WERE MANY AMAZING THINGS, TO ME, IF YOU LOVED THE SHOW, ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE SHOW, I ASSUME MOST PEOPLE LOVE ABOUT THE SHOW, IT REALLY DOES EVOKE ALL HUMAN EXPERIENCE, ALL THE JOYS AND ALL THE SORE RES ARE EQUALLY POWERFULLY EVOKED IN THE PIECE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ALL THE SORROWS ARE EQUALLY POWERFULLY EVOKED IN THE PIECE AND EVEN IN THE FACE OF ALL HIS PARENTS AND FRIENDS WERE THERE FOR, THE VIBRANCY AND LIFE AND LAUGHTER IN THAT SHOW WAS POWERFULLY FELT IN THAT THEATER THAN ALL THE LOSS AND SADNESS. >> IT JUST BECAME SO EVIDENT TO, I THINK, ALL OF US THERE. WE ALREADY KNEW JONATHAN HAD WRITTEN SOMETHING REMARKABLE BUT IT JUST BROUGHT IT HOME ALL THE MORE, THAT HE HAD REALLY TOLD THE TRUTH, HE HAD REALLY GOTTEN THE CORE OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE. WHICH IS ONE OF THE REASONS I WAS LITTLE SURPRISED WHEN SOME -- THERE WERE SOME 46 CRITICISMS OF THE FILM, NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE FILM ITSELF AS THE MATERIAL. THERE WERE CRITICS WHO SEEMED TO MISS THAT ASPECT OF IT. I'M NOT SURE I'LL EVER QUITE UNDERSTAND IT. I GUESS THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED THE PIECE TEND TO BE PEOPLE WHO ARE A LITTLE MORE OPEN HEART, I WOULD SAY. I DON'T MEAN NECESSARILY IN THEIR LIFE, WHEN THEY COME TO A PIECE OF ART, THEY'RE MORE WILLING TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE. TO ME, FUNDAMENTALLY, "RENT" IS AN EMOTIONAL WORK THAT WEARS ITS HEART ON ITS SLEEVE, UNAPOLOGETICLY ABOUT LOVE AND LOSS. THE TWO THEMES I TALK ABOUT IN MY BOOK. I THINK PEOPLE ARE EITHER WILLING TO EXPOSE THEMSELVES FULLY TO THAT OR NOT. OR THEY WANT SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE IRONIC OR ARCHED OR TO BE COUCHED IN A METAPHOR OR SOMETHING. TO US, IT BECAME AN AVENUE OF CATHARSIS, TOO, HAVING LOST JONATHAN, AN OPPORTUNITY TO MOURN HIM AND SHARE HIM WITH THE WORLD 47 AND HONOR HIM, ONE OF THE THINGS I HOPE I ACCOMPLISHED WITH THE BOOK IS TO HONOR HIS MEMORY THAT MUCH MORE AND ALSO THE MEMORY OF MY MOTHER. I DIDN'T READ EXCERPTS -- THERE'S -- A BULK OF THE BOOK IS VERY MUCH ABOUT MY MOM, IF YOU CUT IT IN HALF, PROBABLY MORE THAN HALF ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH MY MOM AND OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THINGS THAT HAPPENED THERE. I GUESS GOING THROUGH THAT PERIOD OF TIME WAS SO VIVID AND INTENSE AND I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO MARK THESE OCCASIONS, AND TO REMEMBER THEM AND TO PAY TRIBUTE TO THEM. I KNOW THAT I'M SITTING UP HERE, HAVING GONE THROUGH IT MYSELF, I ASSUME MANY OF YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH YOUR OWN. I RECOMMEND IF IT'S A JOURNAL, OR A LETTER, YOU COULD WRITE OR JUST A CONVERSATION TO HAVE TO TAKE A MOMENT AND REALLY MARK THESE OCCASIONS. I PROMISE YOU, IT CAN REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE. ONE THING RECOMMENDED TO ME A FEW YEARS AGO WAS WRITE A LETTER TO MY MOM. 48 SHE DIED IN 1997. THIS WAS 2000 OR 2001. I WAS LIKE, THAT'S WEIRD. BUT THEN I WROTE HER A LETTER AND IT WAS REALLY NICE TO DO. EVEN THOUGH SOMEBODY'S GONE, YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE LIVING -- TO THE DEAD REMAINS ALIVE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALIVE. I'M TALKING SEPARATELY WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTER LIFE OR TALKING TO SPIRITS, I'M SAYING SIMPLY THE FACT A RELATIONSHIP TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE AND WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE, OF COURSE YOU CAN OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK INTO YOUR EAR AND THEY CAN HEAR YOU AND YOU CAN HEAR THEM AND THAT'S RIGHT THERE. EVEN IF THEY'RE GONE, THEY'RE STILL INSIDE OF YOU. I BELIEVE, ANYWAY. SO ANYWAY, I KNOW THAT -- AS I SAID, I DON'T REALLY APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING IT INTENSE. I'M NOT SURE THAT THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE EXPECTED BUT THAT'S -- I FEEL LIKE I -- I FEEL LIKE IT'S IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT 49 THESE ISSUES, BECAUSE, AS I SAID, THEY'RE NOT TALKED ABOUT AS OFTEN AS MAYBE THEY COULD OR SHOULD BE IN OUR CULTURE. THE OTHER THING I WANTED TO SHARE ON THIS TOPIC OF GRIEF WAS MY BROTHER, ADAM IS A PLAYWRIGHT AND NOVELIST AND WROTE A PLAY CALLED "NOCKTURN." I GOT TO PERFORM IN IT THAT CAPTURED PERFECTLY THE JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF. TOWARDS THE END OF THE PLAY THE YOUNG MAN SAYS THIS IS AN EPIPHANY. GRIEF DOES NOT EXPIRE LIKE A CANDLE OR BEACON ON A LIGHTHOUSE, IT SIMPLY TEMPERATURE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I KNOW THAT TO BE TRUE OVER THE YEARS. SOME PEOPLE ASKED ME IF I WOULD SING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOMPANY NIST. I'VE DONE THIS A COUPLE TIMES NOW, A COUPLE DIFFERENT PLACES. IT SEEMED LIKE IT WENT OKAY. I'M GOING TO DO A LITTLE ACAPELLO VERSION OF SOMETHING, IF THAT'S OKAY. 50 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 525,000, 600 MINUTES. 525 MOMENTS DEAR. 525,6000 MINUTES. HOW DO YOU MEASURE, MEASURE A YEAR? IN DAYLIGHTS, IN SUNSETS, IN MIDNIGHTS, WIN CUPS OF COFFEE, IN INCHES, IN MILES AND LAUGHTER 525,600 MINUTES. HOW DO YOU MEASURE A YEAR IN THE LIFE? HOW ABOUT LOVE? HOW ABOUT LOVE! HOW ABOUT LOVE, LOVE? MEASURE IN LOVE! SEASONS OF LOVE SEASONS OF LOVE 525,600 MINUTES. 525,000 JOURNEYS TO PLANS 525,600 MINUTES, HOW DO YOU MEASURE THE LIFE OF A WOMAN OR A MAN? IN TRUTHS THAT SHE LEARNED OR IN TIMES THAT HE CRIED, IN BRIDGES HE BURNED OR THE WAY THAT SHE DIED IT'S TIME NOW TO SING OUT WILL THE STORY NEVER ENDS LET'S CELEBRATE REMEMBER A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF FRIENDS REMEMBER THE LOVE REMEMBER THE LOVE 51 REMEMBER THE LOVE MEASURE OF LOVE ¦¦ SEASONS OF LOVE SEASONS OF LOVE SEASONS OF LOVE SEASONS OF LOVE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I ASSUME USUALLY WHEN I'VE DONE THESE THINGS, MOST PEOPLE HAVE QUESTIONS AND I WOULD LOVE TO OPEN IT UP FOR QUESTIONS. >> SORRY. >> EVERYBODY KNOWS THE PROCEDURE, THAT THERE'S THESE MICROPHONES, SORT OF LIKE OPRAH. >> HELLO. >> JUST IN ADVANCE, THERE'S NO STUPID QUESTIONS, ONLY STUPID PEOPLE. JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. HELLO. 52 >> HELLO. HI. >> WHAT'S YOUR NAME? EMILY. >> HI, EMILY. >> HI. OKAY. I'M ON AN ADRENALINE RUSH. I HAD TO RUN TO THE MICROPHONE FIRST >> OKAY. >> FIRST I WANT TO SAY THAT >> BREATHE. >> I THINK YOU'RE A GREAT ACTOR. EVER. >> THANK YOU. >> EVER. >> BREATHE. THANK YOU. AH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OH, YEAH. >> IT'S GOING WELL. >> OKAY. SO I -- IT'S NOT VERY OFTEN A SUCCESSFUL PERSON COMES TO GAINESVILLE AND -- NO, IS 53 THAT REAL QUESTION, GUYS. I'M EXTREMELY INVOLVED IN MUSICAL THEATER AND I LIVE HERE, SO THERE'S NOT AS MUCH OPPORTUNITY AS PERHAPS ONE WOULD LIKE TO GET INVOLVED PROFESSIONALLY, SO I WAS LOOKING AT HIGH SCHOOLS AND I NOTICED YOU WENT TO INTERLACHEN. >> YES. >> I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD GIVE ME SOME ADVICE FOR HOW TO SUCCEED FOR UNDER 30,000 DOLLARS A YEAR. >> JACKSONVILLE HAS A PUBLIC MAGNET. >> IS IT PUBLIC. >> IT'S PUBLIC, RIGHT. >> I MEAN, FOR LIKE FIRST OF ALL I STARTED ACTING WHEN I WAS 6, TOO, IT'S A SIGN A NUMBERS THING. AND SO I JUST, I WANTED TO GO AWAY TO SCHOOL NEXT YEAR BUT IT'S SO EXPENSIVE. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD GIVE ME ADVICE ON HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL. >> I THINK TRAINING IS VERY IMPORTANT. IF IT'S INTERLACHEN OR DOUGLAS ADAMS OR OTHER VENUE, IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET REALLY 54 GOOD TRAINING FROM GREAT PEOPLE. I HAPPEN TO KNOW PERSONALLY THAT THE PEOPLE AT INTERLACHEN ARE FANTASTIC. IF THERE'S A WAY YOU CAN FIND TO MAKE IT WORK THROUGH SCHOLARSHIPS, I DO KNOW THEY HAVE SCHOLARSHIP MONIES AVAILABLE. THERE ARE MANY OPTION OPTIONS OF PLACES TO GET TRAINING. I DO SAY GET TRAINING. EVEN IF YOU'VE HAD EXPERIENCE, YOU CAN NEVER GET TOO MUCH TRAINING AND EXPERIENCE. THEN, JUST LIKE WITH ANYTHING ELSE, SORT OF A COMBINATION OF TIMING AND LUCK AND PERSEVERANCE AND PATIENCE AND TALENT AND EFFORT AND WILL AND ALL OF THAT. IF THERE WERE TEN ACTORS UP HERE WHO WERE SUCCESSFUL OR REASONABLY SUCCESSFUL WORKING ACTORS, I GUARANTEE YOU EACH ONE OF US WOULD HAVE A DIFFERENT STORY HOW WE CAME TO BE WHERE WE WERE. EVERYONE WOULD HAVE A DIFFERENT PATH BUT MOST OF US WOULD HAVE HAD AT LEAST SOME STRONG TRAINING. SO THAT WOULD BE MY BIGGEST RECOMMENDATION. 55 >> OKAY. THANK YOU. ALSO, IF YOU EVER NEED AN ACCOMPANYIST, I DO THAT. >> THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANKS. >> IS IT MY TURN. HI. >> HI. >> I'M NATASHA MALACHI. FIRST, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO HEAR THIS LIKE A BILLION TIMES TONIGHT AS AN ACTOR TO ANOTHER ACTOR, I TOTALLY RESPECT YOUR WORK, YOU HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY AND TRULY SIGN. YOU REALLY ARE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER. IF SOMEBODY ELSE CAME HERE, I WOULD NOT BE SAYING THAT. YOU ARE MY NUMBER ONE "RENT." >> I'M GOING TO INVITE ADAM DOWN HERE AND PUT IN A HIDDEN CAMERA AND SEE IF THAT'S TRUE >> YOU CAN DO THAT. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH >> ANYWAY, MY QUESTION IS, I AM GOING ON 56 MONDAY TO NEW YORK AND I'M GOING TO BE AUDITIONING FOR MUSICAL THEATER PROGRAMS AT SOME UNIVERSITIES AND I'M REALLY KIND OF NERVOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE THING AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT DO YOU DO LIKE TO PREPARE FOR AN AUDITION, LIKE MENTALLY AND LIKE HOW -- DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE, BASICALLY. >> I DO. >> AWESOME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ONE THING I WOULD SAY, IF AT ALL POSSIBLE REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS FACT Y THOSE PEOPLE IN THAT ROOM SITTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT TABLE WAITING FOR YOU TO COME INTO THAT LOOM TO AUDITION, I THINK THIS IS TRUE OF NOT JUST AUDITIONING BUT ANY JOB SITUATION YOU PRESENT YOURSELF IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, THEY WANT YOU TO BE GREAT. IT MAKES THEIR LIVES A LOT MORE PLEASANT IF YOU'RE GREAT. HONESTLY. DO YOU THINK THEY WANT TO SIT IN A ROOM AND WATCH PEOPLE SUCK ALL DAY LONG. >> LIKE "AMERICAN IDOL." >> IN THAT CASE SIMON TAKES IT PERVERSELY 57 TEARING THEM DOWN. YOU CAN SEE, EVEN THEY ARE HAPPY WHEN SOMEBODY COMES IN AND BLOWS THEM AWAY. IT MAKES THEIR LIVES HAPPIER. PEOPLE LIKE TO BE HAPPY. YOU CAN HELP MAKE THEM HAPPY BY BEING GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. TO ME, THAT TAKES SOME OF THE PRESSURE OFF IN A WAY BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT WAITING FOR YOU TO SCREW IT ALL UP, THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU TO COME IN AND HOPEFULLY BLOW THEM AWAY. IT'S A MUCH BETTER PROBLEM FOR THEM TO HAVE FIVE GREAT CANDIDATES AND CHOOSE THREE PEOPLE THAN HAVE TEN PEOPLE COME IN AND ALL SUCK >> YEAH, I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. >> THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY TO KEEP IN MIND. THIS OTHER THING LIKE NERVES. >> I GET LIKE, YEAH, YOU CAN SEE RIGHT NOW. >> SIMILAR THING TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY 58 ABOUT GRIEF, YOU CAN'T GET OVER NERVES. NERVES ARE -- THEY'RE A PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTION TO STIMULI. YOU CAN TRY TO CONTROL IT, YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT. WHAT YOU CAN TRY TO DO IS TO BE WITH IT, TO ALLOW IT TO BE THERE, THE MORE YOU CAN ALLOW YOUR NERVES TO BE THERE, SAY, THERE ARE MY NERVES, MY HANDS ARE SHAKING OR MY HANDS ARE SHAKING, OR MY HEART POUNDING, MY HEART IS POUNDING. RECOGNIZE YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT. IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT, IF YOU LET IT BE, IT WILL WORK ITSELF OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. YOUR ADRENALINE CAN ONLY FIRE SO MUCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. >> IT'S BEEN HAPPENING FOR AN HOUR FOR ME RIGHT NOW >> SURE. BUT IT'S ALSO GIVING -- ADRENALINE HAS A BONUS, WHICH IS IT GIVES YOU ENERGY, RIGHT. >> YEAH. >> A CERTAIN KIND OF CLARITY THAT COMES WITH IT. SO, YOU KNOW, IF YOU CAN BE WITH IT, 59 ALLOW TO IT HAPPEN AND USE IT AS THE ENERGY THAT IT GIVES YOU. >> ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I REALLY LOVE YOU. >> THANK YOU. >> UPSTAIRS, YES. >> HI. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MY NAME'S COLIN MORGAN. >> HI, COLIN. >> MY QUESTION IS VAGUE. I'LL TRY TO PUT IT AS UNVAGUE AS I CAN. HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT MUSICAL THEATER AND ACTING AND ALL THAT. I GO TO FLORIDA SCHOOL OF THE ARTS UNFORTUNATELY PALATKA. WE HAVE FOUR FIELDS AND I HAVE TRIED EVERY SUBFIELD IMAGINABLE. EVERY TIME I GET CLOSE IT FALLS, I AM NOT SURE IF I AM NOT LISTENING CLOSELY OR WHAT. WHAT WAS YOUR NAG HOW DID YOU KNOW. >> REALLY, WHEN I WAS 6 YEARS OLD, STEPPED OUT ON THE STAGE THE FIRST TIME, 60 PLAYED THE COWARDLY LION IN THE WIZARD OF OZ. >> YES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT WAS A COMBINATION. I HAD SORT OF A NACK FOR IT AND DO GOT REALLY GREAT FEEDBACK. I WAS ENCOURAGED AND THERE WAS NEVER A QUESTION. I NEVER HAD THAT QUESTION IN MYSELF. I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE DO. PORT OF ME WANT TO ENCOURAGE TO YOU BE RIGOROUS WITH YOURSELF, IF YOU'RE REALLY QUESTIONING MAYBE IT'S NOT QUITE FOR YOU BECAUSE THE LIFE, THE DEDICATION TO THIS CRAFT IS A LIFE THAT REQUIRES A CERTAIN KIND OF INNER COMMITMENT AND BEING RESOLUTE, I THINK, THAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE, IT MIGHT MAKE IT HARDER FOR YOU, BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS TO BE INVOLVED. IF IT'S ABOUT PERFORMING, IF THAT'S THE QUESTION, THERE ARE LOTS OF OTHER WAYS TO BE INVOLVED IN THE ARTS FOR SURE. BECAUSE IT'S A CRAZY RIDE YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING FOR ALL OF IT, IF YOU HAVE THOSE 61 DOUBTS AND QUESTIONS, IT MIGHT NOT BE THE RIGHT RIDE FOR YOU TO GET ON. I'M NOT SAYING IT ISN'T BUT REALLY BE RIGOROUS WITH YOURSELF AND KEEP CHECKING IN. >> YES. HELLO OVER >> HI. >> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN "RENT" WITH YOUR ROLE BEING PLAYED BY SOMEBODY ELSE? >> SEVERAL TIMES, YES. >> WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT. >> THERE WERE TIMES I WAS REALLY HAPPY. SEVERAL PEOPLE I SAW DO THE TANGO THAT I HOPE MINE IS THAT GOOD, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE I SAW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THERE'S A TRAP A COUPLE OF PEOPLE HAVE FALLEN INTO WITH THE ROLE TAKE TO HEART MARK'S DETACHMENT TO SUCH A DEGREE I THINK THEY MISS SOMETHING WHICH MAYBE I DON'T DO THIS BECAUSE I KNEW JOHN AND THAT FEEL LIKE THERE'S A LOT OF JONATHAN IN MARK BECAUSE JONATHAN WAS AN OBSERVER CERTAINLY. HE WAS WRITING ABOUT HIS LIFE AND HIS FRIENDS, HE WAS ALSO VERY PASSIONATE. 62 I THINK MARK IS VERY PASSIONATE. I DON'T THINK MARK IS UNEMOTIONAL, I THINK MARK IS NOT ABLE TO EXPRESS ARTICULATELY HIS EMOTIONS ABOUT WHAT HE'S GOING THROUGH TO HIS FRIENDS. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S NOT EMOTIONAL OR VIBRANT OR ALIVE. I'VE SEEN A COUPLE OF MARKS ZOMBIFIED IN A WAY I DIDN'T THINK WAS APPROPRIATE. >> THANK YOU. >> MY NAME IS JESSICA. I KNOW YOU SAID THE DAY AFTER JONATHAN DIED THE CAT CAST DID A SING THROUGH AND IT WAS LIKE A CATHARSIS FOR YOU. IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR SONG LIKE FOR AND YOU THE CAST THAT HELPS YOU WITH THE MEMORY OF YOUR MOM AND JONATHAN THAT HAS A SPECIAL MEANING FOR KNEW BOTH, I'LL COVER YOUR REPRIEVES WITHOUT YOU. AS I'VE GOTTEN OLDER SOMETHING ABOUT THE FINALE B HAS BECOME MORE POWERFUL, THE BLENDING OF THE TWO THEMES OF THE PIECE, I'D DIE WITHOUT YOU AND NO DAY BUT TODAY. THE TWO THINGS THAT ALMOST CONTRADICTORY IN A WAY. 63 NOT EXACTLY CONTRADICTORY BUT TWO SIDES OF THE COIN. I FEEL LIKE THAT REALLY EXPRESSES IT REALLY BEAUTIFULLY. >> THANK YOU. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. >> YES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HELLO. >> THIS IS REALLY HIGH. >> YOU CAN LOWER IT. IT'S ADJUSTABLE. YOU'RE JUST SHORT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] JUST KIDDING >> THAT'S IT. I'M NOT YOUR FAN ANYMORE. TOTALLY KIDDING. I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE DOING "RENT" ON STAGE AND THEN DROPPING IT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN PICKING IT BACK UP WITH THE FILM. WAS IT HARD RECREATING THE CHARACTER OR WHAT WAS IT LIKE SEEING THE CAST AGAIN. >> WE KEPT IN TOUCH OVER THE YEARS. 64 I'VE SEEN EVERYONE AT LEAST A FEW TIMES OVER THE YEARS, YOU KNOW, WE KEPT TABS ON ONE ANOTHER AND REMAINED FRIENDS. IT WASN'T SO WEIRD, IN THE SENSE OF, LIKE, I HADN'T SEEN WILSON IN A WHILE. IT WAS GREAT TO SEE EVERYBODY BUT HE WAS SOMEBODY I HADN'T SEEN IN A LITTLE WHILE. IT WAS A LITTLE SURREAL AT FIRST TO START SINGING THE SONGS AGAIN BUT IT ALSO FELT REALLY RIGHT. IT WASN'T HARD TO GET BACK INTO IT AT ALL. IT WAS SO -- IT WAS LITERALLY LIKE, I WISH I COULD THINK OF A CLEVERER MET FOR BUT THERE WAS THIS EXTENSION CORD COMING OUT OF OUR BODIES AND WE COULD PLUG RIGHT BACK INTO IT AND IT WAS ALL THERE. IN SOME WAYS, EVEN MORE POWERFULLY THAN IT WAS BACK THEN BECAUSE WE HAD HAD TIME FOR IT TO SEEP INTO OUR BONES. DOING THE FILM WAS -- DOING THE PLAY WAS SO INTENSE AND CRAZY, THERE WERE MONTH WE'S DIDN'T HAVE A DAY OFF DURING THAT TIME, IT WAS SO HECTIC AND DOING THE FILM WAS MORE EVENLY PACED. 65 IT WAS EASIER IN SOME WAYS, THE WORK ITSELF WAS EASIER, NOT THAT IT WAS BETTER, IT WAS -- THERE WAS MORE OF A FLOW TO IT. >> THANK YOU. I FORGIVE YOU FOR CALLING ME SHORT. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. THANKS FOR FORGIVENESS. I FORGIVE YOU FOR BEING SHORT. I'M JUST KIDDING! I'M SHORT, 5'9". THAT'S NOT VERY TALL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HELLO. >> HI. I'M NATALIE. >> HELLO. >> I'M A BIG FAN. >> YOU'RE TALL. >> I'M 5'8" 1/2. WHEN I SAW THE FILM, I BOUGHT THE FILM SOUNDTRACK ALSO AND HALLOWEEN AND ANOTHER SONG WERE ON THE MOVIE. I THOUGHT THE LINE WHERE ONE OF US SURVIVE REALLY CAPTURES MARK'S POSITION ON THE FILM OR DYNAMIC WITH ALL THE OTHER 66 FRIENDS AND FELT IT WAS IN A WAY NECESSARY TO CAPTURE MARK AS A CHARACTER AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT YOUR TAKE WAS ON THAT AND THE CAST AS WELL. >> WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT WAS CUT, I WAS REALLY DISAPPOINTED. PARTLY, I MEAN, IF YOU READ THE BOOK, YOU SEE I SPEND A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT THAT SCENE IN PARTICULAR, HOW MUCH IT FORMED MY WHOLE CREATION OF THE CHARACTER. I WAS REALLY SHOCKED. I KNEW HALLOWEEN WAS ON THE FENCE. ON FILM IT'S A SOLILOQUY, A LITTLE DICIER, NOT EXACTLY CERTAIN HOW THAT WILL WORK IN CONTEXT BUT WE FILMED IT KNOWING IT MIGHT NOT MAKE IT INTO THE FILING IN FILM. IT AND GOOD-BYE LOVE PART TWO WERE IN THE CUT FOR A LONG TIME AND AT A CERTAIN POINT, CHRIS' EDITOR, RICK PEARSON, THEY WOULD, LIKE WATCH THE FILM THROUGH AND TAKE NOTES AND TAKE NOTES AND TALK ABOUT IT. RICK SAID TO CHRIS,LET'S AT LEAST TRY IT WITH THESE THINGS OUT. WHAT THEY WERE FINDING IN A FILM, PARTLY BOWS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO BREAK, THERE ARE 67 DIFFERENT RULES THAT APPLY ABOUT FLOW, EMOTIONAL STORY TELLING AND FLOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IN THE PLAY, YOU HAVE THAT ACT, THIS INTERMISSION AND COME BACK AND THE INTENSITY OF ACT II, YOU HAD THE TIME AWAY FROM IT TO BREATHE AND COME BACK AND GO INTO IT. ACT II PRETTY MUCH GOES DOWN AND KEEPS GOING DOWN. THE FILM DOES, TOO. THEY FOUND THAT, YOU KNOW, THE FUNERAL AND THEN THE FIGHT IN THE CEMETERY, THEN THE FIGHT AT HOME, IT STARTED TO FEEL LIKE TOO MUCH BECAUSE YOU HAD NO BREATHE FROM ANY OF IT. THAT WAS ONE ASPECT OF IT THAT WASN'T WORKING QUITE THE SAME WAYNE THE CONTEXT OF THE FILM. THE OTHER ONE WAS THAT IN THE FILM, ALL THE SCENES BETWEEN MARK AND ROGER AND THE LOFT, EXCEPT FOR THE VERY BEGINNING "OF RENT" IN THE SONG, EVERY OTHER FILM THAT TAKES PLACE IS DIALOGUE, AT THAT POINT TO COME BACK INTO THE LOFT WHERE WE SHOT THE 68 MARK-ROGER FIGHT, IT FELT STRANGE TO RETURN TO THEM BEING IN THE LOFT SINGING TO ONE ANOTHER NOT TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER. THAT WAS A KIND OF ISSUE HE COULDN'T HAVE PREDICTED UNTIL HE SAW THE FILM IN CONTEXT. SO, IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT DECISION TO MAKE. THE DAY WE SHOT THE SCENE IN THE LOFT REALLY WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF SHOOTING AND THE ONLY DAY CHRIS EVER REALLY LOST IT, LIKE HE -- WE'VE SHOT SOME VERY INTENSE THINGS THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF THE FILM AND HE KEPT IT TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME BUT THAT DAY HE WAS LIKE COULDN'T TALK. AFTER ONE OF THE TAKE, IT WAS VERY PERSONAL AND MEANINGFUL, HE IDENTIFIED A LOT WITH MARK. IT WAS NOT A DECISION MADE CAVALIERLY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IT WILL BE ON THE DVD IN A DELETED SCENE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET SO I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT TURNED OUT. AT ONE POINT IT TOOK, RICK, THE EDITOR CAME UP TO ME, HE WAS CUTTING IT DURING THE 69 FILMING, CAME UP TO ME ON THE STREET AND SAID, I WAS WORKING ON THE MARK-ROGER FIGHT, IT'S AMAZING, IT WASN'T THAT THE SCENE ITSELF DIDN'T WORK AS A SCENE MORE OF THE GREATER CONTEXT OF FILM MAKING. THROUGHOUT THE FILM THERE'S SO MANY CLOSE-UPS AND SO MUCH INFORMATION THE AUDIENCE GETS MORE SPECIFIC YOU CAN GET ON STAGE AND SOME FELT LIKE THEY WERE OVERSTATED THROUGH DIALOGUE, YOU DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR THOSE THINGS, YOU CAN SORT OF GET THEM. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO REALLY KNOWS THE PIECE VERY WELL AND YOU SEE THE FILM AND YOU MISS IT BECAUSE YOU KNEW IT WASN'T THERE. I'M NOT SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW THE PIECE WILL MISS IT IN QUITE THAT WAY. IT WAS A -- IT WILL REMAIN A CONTROVERSIAL DECISION FOR SURE. >> THANK YOU. >> YOU'RE PUMP. >> SURE, THANK YOU. >> I WANTED TO KNOW -- THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION. 70 >> THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS. >> ALL RIGHT. I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN "RENT" WAS AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHAT YOUR LEAST FAVORITE SONG IN "RENT" WAS. >> I THINK -- I THINK OVERALL MY FAVORITE SONG IS THE SONG THAT MOVED ME THE MOST, THAT I FEEL LIKE IS THE -- SOMETHING ABOUT THE CULMINATION OF THAT MOMENT THAT I THINK IS SO POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG, PROBABLY WE'RE OKAY. >> YES. UP THERE IN THE BALCONY >> I'M SAMANTHA >> HELLO, SAMANTHA >> SINCE YOU PLAYED MARK ON STAGE AND ON-SCREEN, HOW DID YOUR PLAYING THE CHARACTER OF MARK COHEN DIFFER FROM WHEN YOU WERE ON STAGE VERSUS THE MOVIE SETTING, LIKE HOW DID THE CHANGE IN MEDIUM AFFECT THE CHARACTER. >> I DON'T KNOW THAT IT REALLY DID. IT'S HARD FOR TO THE TELL BECAUSE I'M 71 INSIDE IT. THERE'S A NOTION THAT ACTING ON FILM AND ACTING ON STAGE IS SO DIFFERENT. THERE ARE CERTAINLY DIFFERENCES, BUT IT'S MORE A MATTER OF I CONSIDER MORE OF A MATTER OF HOW THE ENERGY IS FOCUSED. LIKE ON STAGE, YOUR ENERGY HAS TO FILL AN AUDIENCE. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE LOUD ALL THE TIME, WAVING YOUR ARMS! IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT ON FILM YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS BE QUIET LIKE THIS IN THE CAMERA AND NEVER MAKING A -- THERE ARE -- EACH MEDIUM CAN HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF EXPRESSING. IT WAS A MATTER OF WE HAD TO FIGURE OUT, COULD I BE THAT SPASTIC ON FILM. WELL, YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> BECAUSE ALL THESE YEARS HAD PASSED SOMEBODY OUTSIDE THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO TELL YOU, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT'S DIFFERENT OR THAT, IT WASN'T LIKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS DIFFERENT. >> THANK YOU. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. 72 HELLO. >> I'M KELLY. >> HI. >> I WAS JUST WONDERING, I KNOW THAT THE MOVIE WAS MADE WITH ALMOST THE ENTIRE ORIGINAL CAST SAVE, I BELIEVE, TWO PEOPLE. >> YES >> HOW DID THAT WORK. HOW DID YOU MESH. WAS IT DIFFERENT WORKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE. >> WE HAD ALREADY DONE A LOT OF WORK WITH OTHER CAST MEMBERS THROUGH UNDERSTAND STUDIES AND REPLACEMENTS WE WERE USED TO ABSORBING NEW ENERGY AND ADAPTING TO WHAT WE WERE DOING AND THEY WERE DOING, WE WERE LUCKY WITH ROSARO AND TRACY, THEY WERE FANTASTIC. PEOPLE IN THEIR POSITION MIGHT HAVE COME IN WITH A REALLY BIG CHIP ON THEIR SHOULDER. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE BEEN LIKE, I DON'T CARE YOU DID IT BEFORE, I WILL DO IT MY WAY. THEY BROUGHT THEMSELF TO IT BUT OPEN AND 73 EAGER TO HEAR WHAT WE HAD TO SAY, IT WAS A GREAT BLENDING OF THE TWO. I HAVE TWO GREAT NEW FRIENDS NOW I DIDN'T HAVE BEFORE. >> THANK YOU. >> IT'S TRUE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HELLO. >> HI. I'M MIKE. >> NICE SCARF. [ APPLAUSE ] >> THIS OLD THING, I JUST SAW IT LYING AROUND AND TOSSED IT ON. FIRST, I WANT TO SAY, I LOVED YOU IN TWISTER, UNDERSTAND RATED OSCAR WORTHY PERFORMANCE. >> THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I ALSO DID THE COWARDLY LION AS MY FIRST MUSICAL. >> HEY! >> SO, ALL RIGHT. I GOT LIKE A QUESTION. >> IF I ONLY HAD THE NERVE. 74 >> IF I ONLY HAD THE NERVE! >> OOOO! >> ARE WE HAVING A SHOWDOWN. >> I HAVE LIKE A LIKE AN IDEA, A QUESTION, I KNOW YOU'RE HAVING THE 10th ANNIVERSARY, LIKE RINGING IN OBC CAST AND BROADWAY. >> YES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] FOR THOSE OF US WHO MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT, OR AFFORD MAYBE A THOUSAND DOLLAR TICKET, I KNOW IT'S FOR CHARITY, SO I THOUGHT MAYBE LIKE MOST OR NOT MOST, MANY STAGE PRODUCTIONS THEY HAVE IT PROFESSIONALLY FILMED, MAYBE YOU COULD GET IT PROFESSIONALLY FILMED AND THEN RELEASE IT ON THE "RENT" WEBSITE. >> YEAH, I KNOW -- I HONESTLY KNOW IT'S BEEN AT LEAST FLOATED. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHTS ARE. I CAN'T IMAGINE THE RIGHTS WOULD BE AVAILABLE BECAUSE OF THE FILM. SO I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S EVEN LEGALLY FEASIBLE AT ALL. I KNOW IT'S A POSSIBILITY. 75 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT'S A POSSIBILITY IN THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY, NOT A POSSIBILITY NECESSARILY IN THE REALM OF LIKE WILL HAPPEN. >> YEAH, RIGHT. >> I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, IF YOU SELL THE DVD 20 BUCKS A POP? >> I KNOW, COULD RAISE A LOT OF MONEY. I KNOW, I KNOW. AS YOU CAN IMAGINE SONY MIGHT NOT BE TOO HAPPY ABOUT HAVING TO COMPETE WITH DVD VERSIONS OF THINGS. I'M PRETTY SURE THEY HAVE THE RIGHTS SO I JUST DON'T KNOW. >> OKAY. WORK WITH SONY THEN. ONE MORE QUESTION. I JUST REALIZED THE UNDERSTUDY THING. >> UNDERSTUDY. >> ANOTHER INSPIRATION OF A PERSON BESIDES YOU IS MY HERO, NORWOOD LEO WAS THE ORIGINAL UNDERSTUDY. >> TECHNICALLY HE REPLACED SOMEONE. HE CAME IN A FEW MONTHS AFTER WE OPENED ON BROADWAY, YES, CLOSE TO. 76 >> IF YOU COULD TALK ABOUT HIM AND WHAT IT WAS LIKE WORKING WITH HIM AND HOW DID YOU GUYS GET ALONG. >> I MEAN, WE WERE VERY LUCKY, AGAIN, SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO REPLACED AN UNDERSTUDY THAT HAD THE KIND OF OPENNESS AND DEDICATION THEY HAD. FRANKLY, I MISSED ADAM. NORBERT IS A WONDERFUL ACTOR, ADAM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE, HE WAS SO INCREDIBLY CONSISTENT AND FOCUSED EVERY MOMENT, NORBERT BECAUSE HE'S A REALLY GOOD AND COMPLICATED ACTOR SOMETIMES HE WOULD MAKE IT NEW AND INTERESTING FOR HIMSELF. I WOULD SOMETIMES WANT TO BE LIKE, NORBERT, HERE I AM, OVER HERE, ADAM, NO MATTER WHAT, WAS LIKE A ROCK ALWAYS. HE DIDN'T HAVE AS MUCH TECHNIQUE SO HE COMMITTED EVERY TIME TO THE WAY IT SHOULD BE, IT WAS ALWAYS FULL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT WAS THE ONLY THING ABOUT IT. THE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE, IT'S A GREAT FOR THEM. 77 THE NU ANSWERS OF PLAYING A SCENE WITH SOMEBODY, I MISSED SOME OF ADAM'S PURE FOCUSED INTENSITY. >> ABSOLUTELY THANK YOU >> UP THERE. SORRY, WHAT. TWO MORE QUESTIONS. I'VE BEEN TOLD WE HAVE TIME FOR TWO MORE QUESTIONS. IT'S VERY SAD. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE LINED UP. THAT MEAN YOU CAN'T ASK YOUR QUESTIONS IF YOU'RE LINED UP ALREADY. TO THE BALCONY. I'M SORRY FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LINED UP FOR A WHILE. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES. I ONLY ABIDE BY THEM. HELLO. >> HI, ANTHONY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'M MEGAN. >> HI. >> BIG FAN, REALLY ENJOYED THE LOOK 78 AROUND. I WONDERED IF IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE OR AWKWARD IN THIS MOVIE, THEY TOOK A LOT OF LYRICS FROM THE MUSIC AND TURNED IT INTO SPOKEN DIALOGUE. WAS THAT UNCOMFORTABLE AND WEIRD? >> IT WASN'T TOO WEIRD. WE MADE A REAL EFFORT TO DO AWAY WITH ALL THE CRAZY, IF THERE WAS LIKE A REALLY OVERT BAD RHYME, WE DID AWAY WITH THAT. IT WAS -- WE FOUND A WAY TO, YOU KNOW, JUST CONVERSE. THE TRUTH IS, IT'S ALL DIALOGUE ANYWAY IN THE PLAY EXCEPT SOME OF IT IS SET TO MUSIC, SO IT'S THE SAME THING, YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING, TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER, JUST IN THE PLAY YOU'RE SINGING TO ONE ANOTHER, IF THAT MAKES SENSE, YOU'RE STILL COMMUNICATING. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFERENT REALLY. I KNOW I UNDERSTAND IT'S STRANGE FOR PEOPLE WHO LISTEN TO THE ORIGINAL RECORDING TO HEAR THOSE LINES OF DIALOGUE, I'M SURE THEY'RE LIKE, WHAT. BUT IT WASN'T SO STRANGE FOR US. 79 >> WELL, THANK YOU. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. HELLO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU'RE THE LAST QUESTION. IT BETTER BE GOOD >> THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT. MY NAME'S MELODY. I'M A MUSICAL THEATER MAJOR AT UF. >> COOL. >> AND AS A PERFORMANCE MAJOR, MY LIFE CAN GET CRAZY HECTIC. I WILL ASSUME YOU'VE GONE THROUGH EXTREMELY BUSY TIMES IN YOUR LIFE DOING PERFORMANCES >> YES >> WAS WONDERING DO YOU HAVE A RITUAL PROCESS YOU DO TO SAY AS A PERFORMER ACTOR GOING ON STAGE EVERY NIGHT PERFORMING GUT WRENCHING MATERIAL, YOU HAVE TO LIKE HAVE SOME SENSE OF STABILITY. I WAS WONDERING. >> ESPECIALLY AFTER DOING RENT, I BECOME A VERY BIG BELIEVER IN THE POWER OF 80 VACATIONS. AND THE POWER OF BEING QUIET, SITTING QUIETLY WHEN YOU NEED TO. TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR BODY IS TELLING YOU, WHAT YOUR BODY/MIND IS TELLING YOU ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE. BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT. YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HAVE STUFF TO GIVE AND SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO REPLENISH. I'VE ALSO BECOME A BIG ADVOCATE, AFFECTIONADO OF YOGA, I FIND TO BE VERY STRONG AND GREAT. ANYBODY IN LIFE, YOUR BODY IS AN INSTRUMENT, EAT WELL AND STAY AWAY FROM SMOKING AND DRINK RESPONSIBLY AND ALL THOSE THINGS. LIKE, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT. YOU WILL STAY -- ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE IN A SHOW. EIGHT SHOWS A WEEK IS A GRIND, I PROMISE YOU. IN LONDON, WE HAD A MIMI PARTYING ALL THE TIME SOMETIMES DO THREE SHOWS A WEEK BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE OUT UNTIL 5:00 IN THE MORNING DOING WHATEVER SHE WAS DOING. 81 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT DOESN'T FLY. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT ANSWERS >> ANY LIKE MIRACLE DRUGS, NOT LIKE BAD ONES BUT YOU KNOW LIKE -- >> WATER. HONESTLY, LIKE KEEPING HYDRATED, STAYING HYDRATED IS SO IMPORTANT FOR SACK INNER ESPECIALLY. IF YOU'RE THIRSTY, YOU'RE ALREADY DEHYDRATED. >> DON'T GET TO THAT POINT. >> KEEP DRINKING WATER. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WANT TO THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S BEEN AN INCREDIBLE AUDIENCE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I GATHER I'LL BE OUT WHERE. IN THE LOBBY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'LL SEE YOU THERE. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 82 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]